| It is a nice feeling to love and be loved  | | Roger is from Massachusetts, USA. He met Jing through Asian Promise in February, 2001. They married in October, 2002 in USA. Over one year and half dating, Roger visited Beijing, China, which is Jing's home, three times. Through his visits and his cross-cultural dating, he understands China and Chinese people more and more. Here Roger shares his valuable experience and his appreciation of Asian Promise with you. |
It was a very lonely night for me when I decided to play on the computer and maybe try to meet an Asian girl. I thought it might be nice to find a friend that I could write to and tell my heart to. Getting divorced after being married for 22 years had really taken it's toll on me. The divorce had devastated me. I was feeling so very alone and very sad.
All I wanted was someone who I could write to, maybe even talk to on the phone sometimes. I had heard that Asian women had a different attitude than American women did. I thought I would find out for myself. I didn't really like being so alone and I did feel so very alone.
Somehow I found Asian Promise (www.asianpromise.com) and began looking at the different profiles Asian women had posted. There were many women to look at and so I wrote a letter (e-mail) and sent it to several of them. It was the same letter to each. I wondered who if anyone would answer to such a lonely and depressed man. I was 50 years old now and in debt. I was feeling so lost in life. Yet still I sent the letters.
By the grace of God I received this e-mail from a girl named 'Vanessa.' Her name sure didn't sound Asian to me, but her profile said she was Chinese and her photo looked as if she was Chinese. But a Chinese girl? From communist Red China? It felt a little bit scary to contact someone from Red China That's what I had been taught to call the country of China.
We began writing to each other quite a bit. I had so much hurt in my heart that to be able to release it to this girl who was so far away from me was truly a blessing. The many miles between us was more than enough to let me feel safe and secure. At that time I couldn't trust any woman. I just wanted a friend. It seemed to me that I had found one with this Chinese woman whose real name I found out was Xujing. Now that name sounded Asian to me.
For many years it had been a dream of mine to go to the great wall of China. I never imagined that such a dream could come true for me. It was so far away and it would cost so much money to go to see it. Of course after a while I did ask Xujing if she had ever seen the Great wall of China. To my surprise she told me of course she had, it was right there in Beijing. I thought she was so lucky. I dreamed of going to China to see the Great Wall myself.
A few weeks later Xujing invited me to visit China. She even said she would bring me to the Great Wall. She told me she would take good care of me, that she could do many things for me if I came to meet her. But to be honest, my desire to go to China was not to meet Xujing. All I thought about was going to see the Great Wall. I had no desire for a girlfriend or any relationship more than just as a friend. I didn't want to lead my Chinese friend on nor did I want to try to take advantage of her. I was very honest in all of my communications to Xujing. I love adventure. I love romance too, but I wasn't ready for any more romance in my life. I'd settle for some adventure though. There were a million reasons not to go to China and only one reason to go - to see the Great Wall. I could not afford the time and I had no money. But I still wanted to go. I searched online and began the process of finding out more about travelling to this foreign exotic land of mystery. But I was scared about it. I mean, I was going to communist China to see a girl who I only knew from the computer. I had heard so many bad stories about these relationships and meetings through the computer. I found out was that to stay with a Chinese family in Beijing, I would need to get a special license/permit from the Beijing police. OK, no problem. I was going to Beijing to see the Great Wall. I was just going to see a friend, that's all. A friend who was going to bring me to the Great Wall.
As I traveled for 17 hours on the plane, I got to know the flight attendants. I like to talk. They thought it was quite exciting about what I was doing. They told me that they had seen many people travel as I was to meet someone they had met on the computer. As long as both of the people had been totally honest with each other, they said, there was a good chance that things would go good. The flight attendants wished me luck and gave me a new full bottle of American wine for me to share with my new Chinese friends. They were all so nice to me and I enjoyed the flight very much even though it took so long. My adventure to China had really begun in earnest.
Excited and ready for the best, hopefully, I arrived in Beijing. Somehow above all the noise from an International airport, I heard the small sound of Xujing's voice calling my name. There she was, for real. She was a woman too thankfully. She had not lied to me yet! She even looked cuter than her photo and she was all smiles. Her English was good enough for me too. Against my protests, she took me to her mother's home where she said I would stay for the week. I told her about the police license I thought I needed and that I would just stay in a hotel. But she laughed and told me it was no problem. She said that it was OK, things were not like that in Beijing now. Never do I remember being so welcomed anywhere as I was at her Mom's home. Her family made me feel so welcome, so special and wanted. I cannot even begin to explain how nice these people were to me. Just thinking about it now as I write this makes my heart feel so warm and grateful for now having such close friends and family. They shared all they had and gave their love so freely and truly, so completely. My God had blessed me so much bringing me to Beijing.
Xujing brought me to many places to see many things. I did go to the Great Wall of China. The Chinese say you are not a hero unless you reach the top of the Great wall. My dream had come true, I did climb and reach the top. Xujing made my dream come true for me. It was she who made my visit to China so great. She was the nicest of everyone there. For the entire nine days I was there, she took very good care of me. She brought me to see the Forbidden, the Emperors Summer Palace, the Temple of Heaven and the Lama Temple. I met her family and her friends who all made me feel more than welcome in their homes. They all even gave me presents. So many presents. It is the Chinese way I was told. I was so glad I had that bottle of wine. I have never experienced such a wonderful place before in my life. Mostly it was the Chinese people that I met who made my stay in Beijing so wonderful. But it was Xujing who was the best to me. She was amazing.
Just before I was to leave China and head on home, Xujing told me that she had fallen in love with me. Oh boy......... oh boy, I had to get back home real quick I thought. I hadn't planned on this. I didn't know what to say or do except that I should hurry up and get back to the good old USA. That is just what I did too. I remember how good I felt then to get back to the USA.
I spent the next few months working hard trying to pay for my trip, but I found myself calling Xujing everyday more and more. I couldn't get her out of my thoughts. When I found myself driving down the highway with her photo on my dashboard, I started asking myself what the heck was I doing? I wasn't ready for a girlfriend. Especially one who was so far away, one who was on the other side of the world even. But I had never known a woman like her before. No one could be so unselfish. After all, I am an American. I am use to selfish people. I am selfish myself. But she wasn't. It couldn't be true. No one was really like her. No one could truly be that way. My mind was playing tricks on me. It had to be.
That is when I decided maybe I should go back to China again to see for sure. Yes, again. Again she was just awesome. Her family was awesome. Her friends were awesome. Everything about her was awesome.
She took me on a trip to Phuket Island in Thailand for five days. I got to swim in the Indian Ocean! How cool is that? We laughed so much and had so much fun together. I felt so at ease with her. I soon realized I had fallen in love with her too. How could I not fall in love with such a wonderful Chinese woman as she is? My God has truly blessed me. How grateful I am to Asian Promise for introducing me to Xujing.
We had a wonderful small wedding that my entire family here in America were very happy about. They are all very accepting of Xujing and all of them like her very much. Everyone treats her with the most respect and kindness as she treats me and them.
As hard as it is for me to believe, I am now a happy man. To think of all the troubles I have gone through in my life and to now be able to start a new life with such a great wife is truly a blessing for me and my family. I praise God, My Lord Jesus Christ for all the blessings He has rained down onto me.
Recently we found out that Xujing is now pregnant too. Wow, I am 51 years old and I am going to have a new baby. God is so great to me. I'm going to be a Daddy again. Life is wonderful. I am happy. Of course life will bring problems to us in America as in any country, but I think together we will rise above any troubles and hopefully live happily ever after. Why can't life be like a fairy tale? So far, life is good. I smile a lot now with Xujing. It is a nice feeling to love and be loved.  Written by Roger P. Anderson
Cultural Sparkles with Dick  | | Dawn emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. Then she moved to Hong Kong from N.Z. in 1997. She has experienced a tremendous change in her life. Here she not only shares her personal experience between East and West with you, but also remembers her beloved husband Dick... |
I emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. It was like a dream became true after an unbelievable effort to make it. It was not difficult to imagine how happy I was. However soon I fell to the bottom of the world following my physically moving down to New Zealand. I suffered from homesickness, culture shock and disappointment. I felt very depressed. The worst part of all was my confusion. I did not know whether I had chosen the right life path after an enormous effort to leave China. I did not know where would be my future. I did not know how I could bring a good life to my daughter who was only 3 years old and was still in China. After one year of struggle in New Zealand, I decided to go back to China. Three weeks before leaving New Zealand, I met Dick. Dick was a New Zealander. By the time I met him, he was having a difficult time in his own marketing business because of the bad economy in New Zealand. Meeting Dick was a turning point in my life. Dick made me to change my mind and started a new long march in a new country. It was not easy at all, it was full of difficulties, struggles, stress..., but with love between Dick and me, We did it. We created a happy life for both of us. We got married in Feb, 1997, only one week before we moved to Hong Kong. Dick had wanted to go to Asia for a long time. He was amazed by Chinese history and he liked Chinese people. He wanted to work in Asia and contribute his intelligence there. It was a new challenge to us. However we were not afraid of it because we were together. Things happened beyond of our thought. Dick was sick soon after we moved to Hong Kong. He died in August 1997, six months after we moved to Hong Kong. It was a big and sudden loss to my daughter and myself. I fell to the bottom of my life again. However with Dick's spirit, I did not give up this time. I stood up on my own feet and followed Dick's dream to start a new life in Hong Kong. Love is powerful and love is patient. With love, everything became possible. Without Dick's love, I would not have today's success . To remember Dick and his love, I wrote "Cultural Sparkles" and would like you to share our love between the East and West. [Back to Top] Dinning Out with Friends at the Weekend Once I went to a clinic to help a Chinese couple, who just immigrated to New Zealand, to communicate with doctors in hospital (I was a healthcare interpreter) . After the interview, the Chinese couple invited me to have dinner with them on the coming weekend. As I was Chinese myself, I understood it was a Chinese custom to say thanks. I accept it as I wanted to make friends from my own country and wanted to have a chance to speak my mother tongue. Back then my daughter and I had been living with Dick for sometime. We always spent time together at the weekend. Dick loved it. The weekend had become a family time to us. When I told Dick that I had an invitation from a Chinese couple, Dick was very happy and thought he was also invited automatically. After I told him only myself had been invited, he way very upset. I explained to him it was a Chinese way to say thanks and the dinner would be paid by them. If he came along as well, it meant that they had to pay money for him as well. The money was always tight for the new migrants from China. Dick said: "Money is not a problem, we can pay for our dinner ourselves. I want to meet them too. I want to be with you because it is a family day." Well, Dick was right. We could pay for dinner ourselves. However it is not Chinese culture to share the cost. It is embarrassing to split the money in public to Chinese. It was also not so important to spend time with your partner or children at the weekend. I was in a cultural dilemma. After a long time of thought, I called the Chinese couple and carefully expressed my husband's wish on the telephone. I thought that they would understand me and accept it. To my surprise, they rejected. The dinner was cancelled. I forgot the fact that they had just came to the West and would take time to accept the Western ways. [Back to Top] Sandra's Holiday in New Zealand Sandra had been away from home since she moved to England, after marrying her British husband. One day, Dick told me that Sandra and her husband were coming to visit him. It was big news to me because Dick had not seen his daughter for 11 years and I hadn't met Sandra before! I was very excited and nervous. I said to Dick that I could stay away from home some time so that he could spent some time with his daughter alone. Dick did not pay much attention on what I said. Then he even got angry when I suggested that I could sleep in my mother's house so that we could make our own bedroom available for Sandra and her husband. After raising all the kind thoughts I could think about, Dick made a very clear statement: "I want you to be with me as much as usual. Sandra and her husband can sleep in our living room if they do not want to stay in the motel." I was upset by Dick's decision and was worried by Sandra's response to them later. To my surprise, things turned up very well and my worries were totally irrelevant. We had a very good time together. Sandra and her husband felt very much at home when they were with us because they were in very warm family surroundings. Sandra was also very happy to see her Dad enjoying his life more than ever. On the last day of Sandra's holiday, Sandra and her husband took our whole family out for dinner to thank us for our hospitality. We all enjoyed our time together. From this experience, I learnt that there was a very different way to show your hospitality. In China, you try to offer guests more than you could realistically do. In the end, often the guests and hosts both get too exhausted to enjoy their time together. However in the West, you do what you are happy to do and not to let guests feel guilty by seeing the trouble and inconvenience caused by them. The most important thing is - if they love/like you, they want to see your happiness, not to see you in trouble. [Back to Top] The Attitude to Sickness It is coming soon. Written by Dawn Li [Back to Top] | 
